


The Birds and the Buusagi

by ozuma



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Rappigs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 02:46:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1588763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ozuma/pseuds/ozuma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peony gets a new rappig as a pet and hijinks inevitably ensue, much to Guy's dismay. (Takes place roughly after Absorption Gate)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Birds and the Buusagi

**Author's Note:**

> So glad to finally be posting this here. I wrote this 7 years ago when I was really into Tales of the Abyss. I'd wanted to post it earlier, but I also wanted to edit it a bit to fix some parts I wasn't happy with. This was my favorite Abyss fic to write since I rarely ever do humor. Reading over it again like this makes me want to go back and play the game, now that I think about it.

Rappigs.

So many damn rappigs.

Or so went Guy’s current train of thought as he sat on the ground in one of Grand Chokmah’s verdant parks in the midst of a pack of rappigs – all of which belonged to a certain oh so beloved emperor. Today was yet another day when it was his duty to walk them. As for how His Majesty expected one person to be able to hold onto six rappig leashes at once was beyond Guy. They almost always got away from him eventually, and then he’d have to spend a good twenty minutes chasing after them. For today, he’d just given up and stopped in a nearby park by the harbor. So far, none of them seemed to be straying too far from the pack; something Guy was very grateful for at the moment.

The rappig closest to him stopped sniffing at the dirt, instead deciding to approach Guy and nudge his leg.

“Eh?” Guy didn’t need to look at its collar to know which one it was. “Oh, it’s you, Luke.”

Luke, Peony’s newest rappig. The only rappig that ever listened to Guy’s commands. And the only one that didn’t seem to take so much joy in rebelling against him.

“You hungry?” Guy scratched behind the rappig’s ears, an action that elicited a pleased “oink!” from the animal. He smiled a bit before reaching into his pocket for a carrot. “If only your companions were as cooperative as you…”

The irony of the fact that this Luke was so much more docile than a certain _other_ Luke was not lost on Guy at all. Still, he couldn’t help being reminded of his friend, whether it was just through name or whatever else.

…And then Nephry made a mad dash for the other side of the park, causing Guy to immediately leap up and run after her.

 

**-Later That Day-**

Guy returned to the palace with all six rappigs in tow, his expression about as worn and muddy as his clothes. After handing them all safely to Peony’s personal maid, he sluggishly dragged himself up to the throne room to give his “report.”

“Well well well, your timing is impeccable.” Emperor Peony raised a hand in greeting as Guy entered the room.

Guy raised his head, only to stop dead, gaping in horror at the emperor. He was holding yet another rappig — one Guy had never seen — in his lap.

“…Is that… is that another of your rappigs?” Guy asked wearily, afraid to hear the answer.

“Of course! What else would it be? He just came in from the breeder today…” Peony fondly scratched the rappig behind its ears. “Isn’t he cute?! And I’ve already picked out a perfect name out for him. Guess what it is!”

Guy shuddered, somehow already knowing what name the emperor had chosen for his new pet.

“Gailardia! Isn’t it so appropriate? He looks just like you.”

Guy failed to see any similarities whatsoever. “Your Majesty, I don’t think…”

Peony let the rappig back on the ground and watched as it started scurrying around the throne room, sniffing at various things. “In any case, I’ll be leaving tomorrow on a little business trip. A shame, since I won’t get a chance to give little Gailardia a warm welcome.” He pointed at Guy. “I thus leave that task to you. Make sure the others don’t pick on him too much, will you?”

Guy nodded. “Of course, Your Majesty.” It seemed as though he had many, many fun days ahead of him.

 

**-The Next Day-**

Guy once again found himself in the same park by the harbor, this time in the middle of a pack of seven rappigs. All of which were shuffling and sniffing around as usual. Noticeably different, however, was the absence of a certain rappig that was usually at his side… He looked over to his right to see Luke grazing next to the new rappig.

Sighing, he reached into the bag he’d brought with him and grabbed a few treats. “Well, I suppose animals don’t really feel anything like loyalty,” he mused to himself before tossing the treats randomly in front of him and watching with a detached expression as some of the rappigs came forth to eat.

As he rested his chin on one hand and stared out into the distance, he couldn’t help but wonder just what Peony loved so much about these creatures. They were noisy, messy, and far too energetic. Although… he had to admit that they had grown on him a bit. He reached down to pet Jade lightly. Not too surprisingly, Jade ducked his head to dodge him and scurried away toward the patch of grass where Nephry and Saphir were poking at the dirt with their noses.

 

**-A Few Days Later-**

“Sooooo… you’re still on rappig duty, huh?” Luke grinned as he strolled towards Peony’s room with Guy.

“Uh huh. His Majesty is going to be out of town all week. So I pretty much have to watch over them for most of the day. He insists that if someone doesn’t, they’ll be all skin and bones when he gets back.”

“So this is your official duty as one of the House of Lords, right? Sure isn’t easy being a noble in Malkuth…”

Guy shot Luke a rather annoyed look before answering, “Well, unlike _some_ people, I have certain important responsibilities as a noble.”

Luke ignored the jab. “Like babysitting rappigs.”

“You’d be surprised.” Guy smirked as he put a hand on the doorknob and looked back at Luke. “Compared to babysitting you back in the day, seven rappigs isn’t so bad.”

“Hey! I wasn’t THAT bad!” Luke tossed a spare rappig treat at Guy’s head, which Guy dodged easily. He puffed up his cheeks in annoyance as Guy opened the door. “Anyway, where are they?”

“In His Majesty’s room.” Guy opened the door to the anteroom and immediately headed for the table by the wall. He grabbed the crystal dish sitting on it. He gestured toward the other side of the room. “Hand me that box of food, will ya?”

Luke looked around for a few seconds before locating a box labeled “rappig feed” sitting on a chair. He handed it to Guy.

Guy poured the feed into the dish. “A few of them are out for veterinary exams, but Luke and the newest one are still here.”

“You need my help with anything?”

“Nah, not until the rest come back.” Guy headed for the door to Peony’s bedroom. He opened the door slowly, making sure not to spill any of the food in the dish. “I’ve come with your…” He stopped dead.

“Huh, what’s wrong?” Luke noticed Guy freeze. He glanced over Guy’s shoulder into the emperor’s room. “What the?! W-what the hell are they doing?!” He pointed somewhat shakily at the scene before them in the emperor’s room.

The crystal dish fell to the floor and shattered.

 

**-The Next Day-**

“Well, who’d have thought that two of my very own rappigs were in love?” Peony sighed happily. “To think that I didn’t even notice that love was blooming right under my nose…”

“I wouldn’t exactly put it that way, Your Majesty…” Guy looked like he’d rather be anywhere but here at the moment. “Applying that term to animals is rather…”

Jade, who had _conveniently_ just dropped by to pay the emperor a visit, adjusted his glasses before adding, “On the contrary, Guy. Scientists have yet to prove whether or not animals and monsters are capable of emotions; including love. So for all we know, such a term would be applicable in this situation.”

“I didn’t ask you…”

“So… wait, I don’t get it.” Luke scratched his head in confusion. “I thought your new rappig was male?”

“Nope. Turns out the breeder made a mistake when he sent her over to me.” Peony shrugged. “Unfortunately, I didn’t notice since I left on that trip right after receiving her.”

“So Gailardia is definitely a…” Guy couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence.

“A girl? Yup.” Peony raised the rappig sitting in his lap into the air in order to get a better look at it. “Definitely a girl.”

“…” Both Guy and Luke shifted uncomfortably.

“I thought that you had all of your rappigs spayed and neutered, Your Majesty?” Jade seemed to be in a very good mood today.

“Well… I did neuter all the males, but since Luke is relatively new, I hadn’t sent him in yet. I was planning to have the vet do the procedure for him and Gailardia during their next visit.” He patted Gailardia’s head absentmindedly. “Oh well, looks like I’ll only have to neuter one now.”

Hearing his name in the same sentence as “neuter” didn’t exactly sit well with Guy. “So… since it’s a girl… you should obviously give it a more fitting name, right?”

Peony waved a hand dismissively at Guy. “Nonsense! I think ‘Gailardia’ works just as well for a girl.”

Guy could hear Jade’s failed attempts to hide his snickering.

“So um… when they were, uh…” Luke couldn’t quite find the right words.

Jade cut in. “I take it you never gave poor Luke the ‘talk,’ Guy?”

“Jade…” Guy shot him a warning look.

Luke blinked. He glanced between Guy’s reluctant expression and Jade’s barely concealed amusement. “Wait, what?”

“Oh, you know. The ‘birds and the bees,’ the ‘adult talk.’ How about you explain, Guy?”

“No thanks. This is neither the time or place, and you know it.” Guy ran a hand through his hair in annoyance. It was like Jade could smell humiliation from a mile away. “And I mean… no. It didn’t really come up. I mean, since he didn’t leave the manor… Plus, I don’t think his mother would’ve approved of me telling him something like that anyway…”

“Wait… what’re you guys talking about…” Luke suddenly found himself the subject of a stare shared by the three other occupants of the room.

Jade’s glasses glinted mischievously. “We’ll tell you when you’re older.”

Peony burst out laughing, meanwhile Guy looked away, a blush slowly creeping up his neck.

“…What the hell!” Luke crossed his arms defensively. “Why do you guys always have to make fun of me?!”

Guy held up his hands as he tried not to laugh. “Chill out, Luke. It’s no big deal… I mean… You _do_ have a general idea of what those two rappigs were doing… right?” Guy really didn’t feel like explaining the whole process right now.

“Er… I think so…?”

“Good enough, then, I suppose.” Jade shrugged before adding, “What do you plan to do, Your Majesty? What if Luke has gotten poor Gailardia pregnant?”

Luke and Guy exchanged horrified looks.

“I’ll have the vet take a look when he comes by tomorrow. And if that _is_ the case… I guess that means I’m a grandfather!”

This time Peony was the one that was met with stares.

He didn’t seem to notice as he held up Gailardia again. “Rappig babies! Ooooh, they’d be so cute! Hmm… we’d better make sure that Gailardia is taken care of as much as possible, then. Don’t want to endanger her children…” He turned his gaze to Guy.

“I’m already taking care of the other six, Your Majesty.” Guy didn’t want to complain, but even he had his limits.

“Hmmm… you’re right…” Peony looked at Luke instead. “Then how about you help?”

“Er…” Luke backed away a little. “I’ve got to be heading back to Baticul soon…”

Peony threw up his hands and sighed. “No help at all, I see. Well, whatever. I’ll find someone else, then. And who knows, maybe there won’t be any kids after all. Either way, I’m so proud of my cute little Luke! Who knew he had it in him?”

“I can’t believe we’re in the throne room discussing rappig sex…” Guy muttered under his breath.

Luke tilted his head a little. “You say something, Guy?”

“Nevermind.”

**Author's Note:**

> I always imagined that if Peony got another rappig, he'd name it after Guy.


End file.
